5 Days in the Bathroom. 120 Hours. Let the Online Cleanse Begin!
So I’ve recently come to terms that I’m an online addict. It’s a struggle to get anything accomplished because of my addiction which includes: Email, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and especially online news sites. I go multiple times an hour to Huffington Post, Drudge, Deadline Hollywood, CNN, Fox News, The Daily Beast, NY Post, and NY Daily News. Twitter is just as bad.
My solution is to go on a 5 day online cleanse. In the past I’ve tried to stop using the internet in my daily life and lasted only a few hours. But for this to really work I need a place with zero distractions and temptations. And I have found that very place. It’s located…in my BATHROOM. This is where I will remain 24/7 for the next five days from Monday August 23rd until Saturday August 28th. No internet. No iphone. No TV. No laptop. No Twitter. No Facebook. No email. No news sites.
Here is a list of things I want to accomplish while in the bathroom. These are things I’ve been putting off, in some cases for years:
-read “Gravity’s Rainbow”
-memorize all U.S. Presidents in order
-memorize the location of every country in the world
-write letters to family and friends telling them I love them
-learn how to sew on a button -finish book proposal
-read friend’s screenplay
-memorize the Sermon on the Mount
-learn how to knit
-finger paint
-write a list for his wife, “99 Reasons I Love My Wife”
-learn how to play “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” on guitar
My wife, Christine, will be taking over my Twitter, Facebook, and my blog for the next 5 days. I’m not sure how I’ll survive (without internet as well as being locked in my bathroom.) Did I mention my bathroom is pink? Also it’s smaller than a standard Death Row prison cell. The video will premiere on September 8th on My Damn Channel.
I love that you’re doing an “online cleanse” on the bathroom
Courage!
Recommended reading: Jean-Philippe Toussaint, “The Bathroom”.
Good luck!
[...] Bathroom-In began earlier today, and you can follow along here (his wife is taking over his [...]
This is…I almost can’t believe this. I’m nervous FOR you!! Is there a window in that bathroom? Are you gonna do jumping jacks once a day so atrophy doesn’t set in? This is either very brave or very crazy.
Good luck!
Nice! You are a nutter!
Mark,
I think many of us could use an online detox once in a while! But I hope it won’t involve a 5 day lockdown in the bathroom. Here in Pagosa Springs, it would be a 5 day camping/fishing trip with no electricity and no cell phone service. It will be interesting to ready your exit thoughts at the end of your stint, especially how much of your ambitious to-do list is accomplished. You’d better move the wife list to the top – she deserves it if there’s only one bathroom!
-natalie
God love you, Mark Malkoff! I may have to join you in the bathroom soon because I’m totally internet-addicted! Enjoy the cleanse, dude.
[...] Mark Malkoff is spending five days in his bathroom to escape his internet addiction — weird! Except that he has done much weirder stuff, and a lot of it — so much so that five days in his bathroom is, comparatively speaking, ordinary. [...]
Wow. My hat’s off to you. You didn’t go through too much withdrawl then if you had such a long list of things to do. So how’s the knitting coming along?